I used to hate changes so much... I don like people to give me last minute work so much... I don like people to interrupt my plan...
I changed...
after I realised tht I'm not God, tht's y I cant predestined. And the same thing goes to those surrounds me as well...
after realizing tht making changes does not stop me from going to heaven, so y not...
after realising tht making changes does not really harm me or ppl, so y not...
after hearing a sermon saying tht only in changes, we would trust God more and experience Him more... A life tht is without changes will not help us much in growing and knowing God more.
From tht day onwards, I start loving changes even though there r time I'm geram still. Yet I'll get over it asap. And tht makes me adaptive, I think. To me, a life without changes is no good. I will get over "sad matter"(outwardly sad, cos I believe tht God is in control no matter what) pretty fast, even though I do need some time to adapt and settle my emotion. Yet as long as the change is God's will, I don mind. Well, after all, all things work together to bless those tht love him. And I know no matter how giant or gigantic the change is... God is always there to face it together wif me.
Yet sometimes, ppl think tht I'm very cruel, cold-blooded... And it has already come to a point where ppl might want to ask... "Don't u care?? People are leaving... Wont u do something."
Sigh... Deep down in my heart, I always want people to be in God's will. Not only in His perfect will, but be in it in the correct timing, place and people. And a lot of time I don say anything is because I don want my emotion or thought affects tht person to fulfill God's will and make decision unless I heard God's voice clearly. Well, maybe u would say, "what u have in mind might b wat God has... God wants to use u to tell tht person..." Haih... I'm really weak in this area. Pls let me off... I jz cant persuade myself to do it. I dun have peace when I release those word or even before I release it. If I know I have the tendency to speak what might b against His will or say something tht is going to mix wif my own emotion, I really would like to just keep quiet.
Sorry, if u dun understand what I'm talking about. It's ok... I'm a bit moody here. hahahhaaaa.... But basically I'm not a sentimental person. I'm basically a task-oriented person. But feel like shutting myself up today... But I know the evil one is taking the opportunity to steal or kill or destroy something. I'm not giving it the chance to take advantage. I'm going to rejoice and draw my attention back to Jesus' cross in 5min. The place tht I have my victory.
Where I'm weak, there I'll be strong... by His grace n mercy...
3:38pm 30th May 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Not because of who I am but WHO HE IS
Hmm... Jz got back from Batu Pahat... Not really a pleasant trip. Din manage to rest gao gao and seek God gao gao but instead I brought back a burdened heart... A lot of things r happening in my family and frens. And my 2 younger brothers r making my head bigger and bigger... God, help ahh!!!I felt disappointed and discouraged... Really... But tht doesnt mean tht I'm despair... I believe that God is in control and surely He would do sth NOT because of who I am but WHO HE IS... That's why I love Psalm 24:3 so much - He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Thank God He din say He would guide me in the righteous path because of my faithfulness and obedience. Otherwise, I wouldn't noe when can I be in His righteousness path...
A lot of time I felt disappointed and discouraged because ppl don do what I expect or things don work out what I wanted it to b. I think this round the same thing happen. But God reminds me what my aunt told me... "Never put ur standard on others. God created us differently and uniquely. And if we do so... that is called self-righteousness. Don't worry. God is dealing each and everyone. There is a timing for anything."
Hmm, this remind me of another thing tht she told me - "Don't expect ppl to change unless u urself change first. If you yourself dun change, tht person wld never ever change because God is using him/her to mold u. If you r not changed how can tht person changes. His or her mission will leave unaccomplished then."
Walau eh... Isn't this 2 very hard?? Hmm, the joy of the Lord shall be my strength...
A lot of time I felt disappointed and discouraged because ppl don do what I expect or things don work out what I wanted it to b. I think this round the same thing happen. But God reminds me what my aunt told me... "Never put ur standard on others. God created us differently and uniquely. And if we do so... that is called self-righteousness. Don't worry. God is dealing each and everyone. There is a timing for anything."
Hmm, this remind me of another thing tht she told me - "Don't expect ppl to change unless u urself change first. If you yourself dun change, tht person wld never ever change because God is using him/her to mold u. If you r not changed how can tht person changes. His or her mission will leave unaccomplished then."
Walau eh... Isn't this 2 very hard?? Hmm, the joy of the Lord shall be my strength...
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Packing & throwing...
Hmm... Have been packing and throwing since I got back from Kuala Terengganu. Yes! I'm going to another phase of life...
But packing is something tht I don really like even though I might b pretty good at it... I think I prefer throwing more... Hahhaaa... Those tht long time not using it liao de, throw... THose tht dun really recognise liao de, throw... Those tht already got softcopy de, throw. Those paper that i kept cos thinking tht I may recycle it, throw... I wana turn myself into a season traveler. Dun wana keep things tht I dun use liao de... Tht's what I did when my family shifted 2 yrs ago in BP. I even threw all my trophy which I won in my school time. Hhaahhaa... Last time I used to keep a lot of things. Having the mentality tht - keep la, keep la, maybe i would need it in the future or keep la keep la, it is a memory. So end up keeping a lot of books, notes and other things. Until my mum also cannot tahan. She said I'm like karang guni. I changed after my mum scolded me, after hearing a sermon saying tht our lives should b lighter n lighter as we keep on surfing wif the Lord and not become more n more burdensome. So since then throwing become my habit. Since not using it liao, throw!!!
This round really throw a lot of stuff yet how come the thing tht I pack is still a lot geh... It's already 6 A4 boxes, 1 B5 box and 1 food storage box d, how come not finished yet de... Still got clothes, bags and shoes not yet pack... Pengsan!!!
While i was packing, I realize tht I got a lot of papers, notes, handbooks and books. When I look at all of them how I wish tht they are in softcopy. Hahhahaa... But then I'm a person tht don like to read soft copy. Usually I would print it out. Cos i cant write notes next to it, I cant high light it, I cant bring it wherever I go... Dilemma...
Ok, til here. Wana go back and continue packing and throwing...
But packing is something tht I don really like even though I might b pretty good at it... I think I prefer throwing more... Hahhaaa... Those tht long time not using it liao de, throw... THose tht dun really recognise liao de, throw... Those tht already got softcopy de, throw. Those paper that i kept cos thinking tht I may recycle it, throw... I wana turn myself into a season traveler. Dun wana keep things tht I dun use liao de... Tht's what I did when my family shifted 2 yrs ago in BP. I even threw all my trophy which I won in my school time. Hhaahhaa... Last time I used to keep a lot of things. Having the mentality tht - keep la, keep la, maybe i would need it in the future or keep la keep la, it is a memory. So end up keeping a lot of books, notes and other things. Until my mum also cannot tahan. She said I'm like karang guni. I changed after my mum scolded me, after hearing a sermon saying tht our lives should b lighter n lighter as we keep on surfing wif the Lord and not become more n more burdensome. So since then throwing become my habit. Since not using it liao, throw!!!
This round really throw a lot of stuff yet how come the thing tht I pack is still a lot geh... It's already 6 A4 boxes, 1 B5 box and 1 food storage box d, how come not finished yet de... Still got clothes, bags and shoes not yet pack... Pengsan!!!
While i was packing, I realize tht I got a lot of papers, notes, handbooks and books. When I look at all of them how I wish tht they are in softcopy. Hahhahaa... But then I'm a person tht don like to read soft copy. Usually I would print it out. Cos i cant write notes next to it, I cant high light it, I cant bring it wherever I go... Dilemma...
Ok, til here. Wana go back and continue packing and throwing...
Monday, May 12, 2008
Learning...
Learning to be still and allow His Spirit to lead me...
Learning not to fight with my flesh but allow Him to fight for me...
Learning to give thanks in all circumstances...
Learning not to expect people to perform or act according to what i expect...
Learning to allow His Spirit to move and I would only corporate...
Learning to be persistent and obedient...
Learning to talk softly and gentle... (Can I not include this??? Feel so reluctant... Hahaha)
Things started to work by its own... I'm amazed. But I know it must be Him... Touched!!!
Learning not to fight with my flesh but allow Him to fight for me...
Learning to give thanks in all circumstances...
Learning not to expect people to perform or act according to what i expect...
Learning to allow His Spirit to move and I would only corporate...
Learning to be persistent and obedient...
Learning to talk softly and gentle... (Can I not include this??? Feel so reluctant... Hahaha)
Things started to work by its own... I'm amazed. But I know it must be Him... Touched!!!
Am I talking too loud?
Is my voice very loud? I always got feedback saying that my voice is very loud. Some of them even say that I'm too noisy. :(
Let me tell you why my voice is so loud... I din intend it to b loud also de...
1. I grew up in kopitiam. My grandparents used to own a kopitiam. After they retired, my parents took it over. You know la, in those traditional kopitiam, where got people talk softly one. All the uncles, even aunties would be raising their voices to discuss things that are happening in the country and the town. But I like this kind of atmosphere, very warm. (blaming growing up environment)
2. The kopitiam is actually just next to my old house. And there is actually a small door that is connected this two house. So there are time when my mum or dad is in the kopitiam, my brothers and I would b at our house. Then we will just talk and communicate like that. Since we need to make sure that we hear each other, we would need to speak loudly right? (Blaming why the kopitiam and house are jz next to each other.)
3. My grandparents has 20 over grandchildren all together. We cant expect children to be too quiet right. They should be very vibrant, active and playing all around right. So when we are all together, how do u expect us to be quiet. Surely we would be playing around and making a lot of noise de la, agree right... (Blaming cousins)
4. My mum have all together 9 siblings. They have a culture whereby every afternoon, they plus their wives and husbands (those that free lal), would sit together to drink coffee and chit chat. So plus some of my cousins and I, we would have about 10+ people sitting together and chit chat. So so many people we would need to talk louder so that those that sit at the other end would hear us right? (Blaming big family...)
5. I was prefect when i was in my primary school and secondary school. So to make sure that I'm a responsible prefect, a lot of time i would need to talk loudly to control the situation mah. If not because of my loud voice, a lot of time the school wold be very chaos, you know.
(Blaming why the school wana choose me as prefect..)
6. I was fr convent school (Primary + Form1-5), and all my friends talk very loud. If you have met my friends or my current housemates, then you would be wondering why all these people talk so loud geh... Not only me hor... Throughout my life, my class always kena complained that we are very noisy. Not because of me alone ho, I don have this ability to make my class to well-known by my own strength, ok. 80% of us are noisy and talk loudly. Like this baru like one family ma. We have come to the point, where there was times that we went to mamak and kena complained by another table. Hhahaaa... In mamak stall pun kena complained. And there was one time when my friends and I were talking in her room, her mum said that how come only two of us are talking but the voice is like 10 people are talking geh... HAhhaaa (Blaming friends...)
7. God put me and raise me up in these environments sure got His purpose. If I dont utilise it, then next time when God need it, how? After all, is there any bible verse saying that girls should not talk loudly?? Don't you think I'm very unique?? Hahhahaaa (Blaming God??)
So, you see. It is not my fault right... So don't keep feedback me i'm very noisy leh... And then don judge that girls that talk loudly is not gentle leh... So hurting... Hahhahaaa...
Ok, many of u must be saying-Joyce, you and your excuses. Don b like that la, there are time I'm quiet also de, eg when I'm sleeping and eating. Why u dun see it leh... HAhahhaa...
Ok la... Try to change lo...
Let me tell you why my voice is so loud... I din intend it to b loud also de...
1. I grew up in kopitiam. My grandparents used to own a kopitiam. After they retired, my parents took it over. You know la, in those traditional kopitiam, where got people talk softly one. All the uncles, even aunties would be raising their voices to discuss things that are happening in the country and the town. But I like this kind of atmosphere, very warm. (blaming growing up environment)
2. The kopitiam is actually just next to my old house. And there is actually a small door that is connected this two house. So there are time when my mum or dad is in the kopitiam, my brothers and I would b at our house. Then we will just talk and communicate like that. Since we need to make sure that we hear each other, we would need to speak loudly right? (Blaming why the kopitiam and house are jz next to each other.)
3. My grandparents has 20 over grandchildren all together. We cant expect children to be too quiet right. They should be very vibrant, active and playing all around right. So when we are all together, how do u expect us to be quiet. Surely we would be playing around and making a lot of noise de la, agree right... (Blaming cousins)
4. My mum have all together 9 siblings. They have a culture whereby every afternoon, they plus their wives and husbands (those that free lal), would sit together to drink coffee and chit chat. So plus some of my cousins and I, we would have about 10+ people sitting together and chit chat. So so many people we would need to talk louder so that those that sit at the other end would hear us right? (Blaming big family...)
5. I was prefect when i was in my primary school and secondary school. So to make sure that I'm a responsible prefect, a lot of time i would need to talk loudly to control the situation mah. If not because of my loud voice, a lot of time the school wold be very chaos, you know.
(Blaming why the school wana choose me as prefect..)
6. I was fr convent school (Primary + Form1-5), and all my friends talk very loud. If you have met my friends or my current housemates, then you would be wondering why all these people talk so loud geh... Not only me hor... Throughout my life, my class always kena complained that we are very noisy. Not because of me alone ho, I don have this ability to make my class to well-known by my own strength, ok. 80% of us are noisy and talk loudly. Like this baru like one family ma. We have come to the point, where there was times that we went to mamak and kena complained by another table. Hhahaaa... In mamak stall pun kena complained. And there was one time when my friends and I were talking in her room, her mum said that how come only two of us are talking but the voice is like 10 people are talking geh... HAhhaaa (Blaming friends...)
7. God put me and raise me up in these environments sure got His purpose. If I dont utilise it, then next time when God need it, how? After all, is there any bible verse saying that girls should not talk loudly?? Don't you think I'm very unique?? Hahhahaaa (Blaming God??)
So, you see. It is not my fault right... So don't keep feedback me i'm very noisy leh... And then don judge that girls that talk loudly is not gentle leh... So hurting... Hahhahaaa...
Ok, many of u must be saying-Joyce, you and your excuses. Don b like that la, there are time I'm quiet also de, eg when I'm sleeping and eating. Why u dun see it leh... HAhahhaa...
Ok la... Try to change lo...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I don't say anyting doesn't mean tht I don't care...
A lot of time, when u r really really close to me, i wont say anything when u r making decision tht would affect your life in long term. I won't even tell you how i feel or what I think u shld do actually... The most tht i may tell you is jz do some analysis wif u and ask you to make ur own decision. And the reason I don say anything is because I don't want you to make a decision tht is out of God's plan simply because of all my words. I know how powerful the influence tht one could impose on another one who he/she is close to. And I dun want what I said causes you to miss God's will. I know some of u may ask am i really tht influential? Are not God the one tht is always in control? Hahhaa... I know all this. But i would say i react tht way is because the Godly fear tht is inside of me.
That's why in cases like this, i would always keep my mouth shut. But I would really keep the matter in prayer. I do tell God what my heart desire. But I always end my prayer in "let thy will be done". It's ok if what it turn out is not what i expect. It's ok if the decision tht you make is not what I expect. I would respect whatever decision u make no matter what, even though i might go through some sad moment because of the decision u make or ur acts when u r in the process of making decision. I would always support and respect... I believe tht as I pray God is at work and He is in control...
I don't say anything doesn't mean tht I don't care...
That's why in cases like this, i would always keep my mouth shut. But I would really keep the matter in prayer. I do tell God what my heart desire. But I always end my prayer in "let thy will be done". It's ok if what it turn out is not what i expect. It's ok if the decision tht you make is not what I expect. I would respect whatever decision u make no matter what, even though i might go through some sad moment because of the decision u make or ur acts when u r in the process of making decision. I would always support and respect... I believe tht as I pray God is at work and He is in control...
I don't say anything doesn't mean tht I don't care...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Tug of War
Fun.. Fun.. FUN...
Hahhaaa... Hope game was held today... WEnt and join tug of WAR. SIOK AHHhhhh....
Even though we didn't manage to win at the end, but I truly enjoy the whole process. Having a team of people to work together. That is what I was expecting when I signed up for that game. Really satisfying and felt so contented! From knowing each other --> thinking strategy together-->warming up together--> Pulling together-->locking together... It was really fun even though I'm now very dark after spending long hour under the hot sun. Worth it! Worth it! Thanks to those that use all their energy to cheer for us under the sun or canopy as well.
Happy... Happy... Happy...
Hahhaaa... Hope game was held today... WEnt and join tug of WAR. SIOK AHHhhhh....
Even though we didn't manage to win at the end, but I truly enjoy the whole process. Having a team of people to work together. That is what I was expecting when I signed up for that game. Really satisfying and felt so contented! From knowing each other --> thinking strategy together-->warming up together--> Pulling together-->locking together... It was really fun even though I'm now very dark after spending long hour under the hot sun. Worth it! Worth it! Thanks to those that use all their energy to cheer for us under the sun or canopy as well.
Happy... Happy... Happy...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
